Wednesday was the last day of school. I am met with so many emotions.
I am so thankful for such a wonderful job that God has blessed me with all year. I have truly loved getting to know the staff at my school and building relationships with the teachers. I have felt so welcomed and cared for. I feel remorse that the year is over, that I will not continue to see these wonderful people each week.
There is also a sense of accomplishment, too. I look at the kindergarteners that were in our room all year long, and I am SO PROUD of all the work they have done, and just how far they have come. It is amazing to think that they are leaving our room knowing all their letters and numbers, and actually READING!! It just astounds me to remember where they were at at the beginning of the year. I feel so honored to have shared such a pivotal year of their lives with them!
There is of corse the usual excitement for summer break as well. Only a few weeks and my husband and I will be going on a missions trip, in June we celebrate our first anniversary, and in August we look forward to a family vacation to North Carolina.
But above, over, throughout all this, is a warm haze. An unclear feeling, of blurred vision. I long so deeply to have my own classroom. I have been searching for and applying to so many different teaching positions. But there is a doubtless silence in return. I know God created me to be a teacher... some day. I just don't know when that day will come. And that is so hard for me to say. It is a daily struggle of inadequacy and failure. But most of all a feeling of insecurity. I know I have to trust in Gods timing and provision, but it's hard to convince myself to actually do that. I do not know what tomorrow holds, I don't know what next year will look like- I just pray I will be willing to accept, and enjoy, what God has in store for me.